India ink on clayboard.
"The Day I Killed My Father" prints available HERE.
Inspired by a really powerful and sad journal that I found in by the creek behind my studio.
There wasn't much in the journal other than this page and a couple of other entries that talked about hating his dad. But here is what this page says:
"October 24, 1987
I never really wanted to write anything in here except stories about dragons and Cyclopses and stuff before. But today is different…
After I was born my mom produced an overabundance of white blood cells in her body because of a disease. So whenever she would try to eat, the blood cells would think that the food was an enemy, and they would attack the food by making her vomit it up. By the time I was 4, Mom weighed 79 pounds and all she could eat was rice, bananas, and plums. Dad never believed she was sick. He used to say it was ‘cause of guilt for her cheating on him before I was born. He said she felt bad ‘cause she knew in her heart that he wasn’t my real Dad. But Mom never cheated, and Dad was really my Dad. Either way, Dad’s always hated me. So when Mom starved to death when I was 9, Dad started being extra mean to me.
He made me mow the lawn every day, which wasn’t that bad, except he made me bite down on a piece of wood to keep my muscles tight while I did it so that I would “get my man-strength”. But all it did was cut my mouth with splinters. He hit me a lot. Mostly when I would talk about Mom, or when I would beg to sleep inside ‘cause it was too cold in the shed. And he would make me shoot things too. “G’head, you point that rifle at them bunnies and you pull that trigger to get some fuckin’ hair on that little girl chest ‘a yours!” So I did it. Bunnies, squirrels, even the occasional cat that hopped our fence just because it was OUR property, he said. And it wasn’t even for food. Dad was a vegetarian.
My childhood was disgusting.
But after 13 years, I finally rebelled.
Today was the day that I killed my father.
October 25, 1987
I slept through the night. And for the first time in my life, I remembered my dreams.
I dreamt that my life is finally…going to be beautiful."